Teens and Pregnancy
Read this e-mail.
chime-in on what you think.
Get ready, this is a long one! 
Good morning. I was listening to the stories this morning about teen pregnancy on my way into work and wanted to call in so bad, but didn’t know your number! I wanted to speak up for Julie, you all really treated her quite poorly and I felt bad for her. I agree, yes being that young and “doing it on purpose” is (with lack of a better word) crazy, but it wasn’t crazy to her and you have to respect her thoughts, she was quite brave to speak about it and allow for people to persecute her, I give her a lot of credit. I wish I had the opportunity to speak with her when she was online, while I cannot fully understand her wanting a child so bad she “tricked” her boyfriend into getting her pregnant, I can understand her longing to be loved and to have something of her own. I had a friend who contemplated the same thing “I want a baby to have someone who will always love me” were here words, thankfully she listened to me when I flat out replied that you cannot use a child for those purposes, but I also suggested that she see someone, which is my same suggestion for young Julie.
As to the man to telephoned in and ripped her apart, Julie did very much hit the nail right on the head when she stated that he was taking his frustrations for his mother out on her, he was very much projecting his anger and it should’ve been controlled or mediated a little bit more on your end.
I am a Social Worker by profession and wanted to stress the fact that you MUST respect others thoughts, morals, and beliefs. And it was so wrong of the both of you to persecute her and impose your beliefs onto her; regardless of how you feel. How can you think calling her sick and selfish and crazy was appropriate for such a young girl?? Never mind the fact that she is a young mother, you forgot that she is just a kid and teenagers are so vulnerable. A little compassion, understanding, and RESPECT would’ve been nice. If at all possible, you may pass this email along to Julie. I would like for her to gain the ability to go to college and NOT PUT IT OFF, because she has no idea how difficult it is the older you get; and also for her to understand the importance of therapy.
I am 27 years old, in the process of finishing my Master’s degree. I have a great boyfriend who I will marry, and I am so ready for children, however I know that it would not be fair to both myself and my boyfriend (to put our goals and dreams on hold) and for our children not to be set in a steady career and financially capable to support a family on our own. The sad truth is, our combined income is over $100,000 a year and we could never support children on that salary… it’s sad but the truth today. I would also suggest for Julie to talk to someone, I do live and work in the area and would be more than happy to help her find some services.
One last thing, the part about being surprised by 12 year old mothers… it is a grim reality. I previously work in a residential facility for teenagers and one 16 year old boy was born when his mother was 12! It is sad, but happens everyday.
I hope this email opened a new perspective, good luck to Julie and to all the young mothers out there.
Regards,
Alison
June 27th, 2008 at 7:34 am
I had my first daughter when I was 17. She had her son when she was 16. We have discussed this many times and realized it was such a mistake to have a baby that young. Not that either of us regret having the child…just how young we were when we did it. How you think and feel at 17, will not be how you think and feel at 20. How you think and feel at 20, is not how you will think and feel at 25. You need to grow up before you try to “raise” another human being.
You grow up under your parents control, and just at a time when you should be getting out on your own soon, meeting new people, having some freedom and fun, some actual control over your own life..BAM…that is gone and you now will be responsible for a human being for the next at least 18 years. Even when you do manage to get some time for yourself, the responsibility is always there. There are a lot of hard things that go along with being a parent. It is not all cuddles and fun. The older they get, the harder it gets. One of the most important things here, is what it does to a child to be raised without their Daddy. A father figure or step Dad is all well and good, but, they will always suffer wondering why their real Daddy did not love them. I was married and 27 years old when my second daughter was born. My husband and I divorced. She had a horrible time in her life due to his absence. I am now raising her two daughters by myself. She is involved in their lives, which is great for them. Their father sees them occasionally, but with the kids at Day Care talking about their Daddies, and Daddies coming to pick up their kids….the older girl really has a hard time with it.
How about financially??Who is paying to raise these kids? If these 17 year olds all get pregnant, are their parents paying for it all? Or are we as tax payers paying for it with Welfare??? If you have a baby, you should be mature, responsible and able to financially support the baby.
Lastly, and I am sure you will be glad of that since I have rambled, I work at Planned Parenthood and it is very common to see kids 12 to 14 coming in pregnant. Very sad.
I hope these girls rethink their “pact”. It is not a good idea, especially for the potential babies.
June 27th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Over $100,000 a year and they can’t raise a family on that. I am raising two kids on my own with very little help from their father and I make just over 1/4 of that and yes I am living paycheck to paycheck, but we are managing just fine.
Now, with that said, I do agree with her on some aspects, but to have a child just so you have someone that will love you unconditionally is selfish and this girl needs some help. IMHO, if you want unconditional love, rather than having a child, you should get a dog.
June 27th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
So I really must say that how the hell can you not support a child or children on a $100 thousand dollar a year income? Do you have credit cards out of the ass? Or maybe a cocaine problem, because my parents raised my sister and I on far less of a combined income a year, and we never heard…”no you can’t have that because we can’t afford that”. By all means my parents are not well off, but my sister and I still had the best of everything. Also I know peers that I graduated with that have children and they are supporting them on far less of an income. So its pretty obscure to me that you cannot afford a child on a six figure salary.
As for the whole “teen pregnancy” thing, I think if your that young and purposely get pregnant you have issues in life. What good are you going to do to your child if you aren’t even old enough to work at McDonalds (and a salary at McDonalds wouldn’t support that child). Parents need to actively be involved in their children /teenagers lives. My mother would have killed me if I can home pregnant at such a young age. I am sure after a few days of cooling down she would support me 100% but I know adoption would be the main goal she would push for.
At 23 years old, working full time, I would still be very nervous/scared to go home and say “hey mom…your going to be a grandmother”. The disappointment of having a child out of wedlock would kill me alone.
So sad what this world has come to…a bunch of Jamie Lynn Spears having babies… the only good thing out of that situation is that she has enough money to hire someone to take care of her child.
June 27th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
OK, for starters, I really like the Spezzano and Sandy crew, probably why I download things I miss, and why I was so excited when you started broadcasting online.
However, I am very sad with what happened on your show while speaking with Julie.
There are a lot of people out there who know someone who happened to get pregnant while still a teenager.
One of my best child-hood friends was pregnant at 16-years-old. She went to Prom, graduated high school and college, and today owns her own house, is married, and has a great career, all at 24-years-old. She’s done very well for herself, and is a great mom.
I in no way condone teen-pregnancies, however I would never impose my beliefs on anyone in such a situation as Julie.
I love you guys, OK, and I might be a bit harsh here, but I have to say, you guys are supposed to be the more mature leaders of your community, esspecially as local public figures.
I’m surprised that poor girl held herself together the way she did, and you guys must remember that what is good for the person on the left, might not be good for the person on the right. That’s why you really just have to turn your eyes away from things you can’t control and annoy you so much…
Julie might have grown up listening to your station, like myself. If it were me you totally ripped for having a child at 18-years-old I would be deeply saddened. I would be sad to realize that people I grew to love, and had become apart of my everyday morning-routine suddenly felt I was a low-life degenerate.You didn’t say those things, but it was pretty much understood that is how you felt.
I understand there are a lot of different directions the discussion could have gone, but there wasn’t enough time. Also, with the time you had, you didn’t accomplish anything other than ruining a young womans day.
She did voluntarily put herself in the so-called snake pit this morning, but I truly believe your job should have been to mediate the opinions coming in from the listeners, opposed to offering up your own two-cents. As much as your opinion is often appreciated, there is a time and a place guys.
Always a loyal fan, and please don’t think I hate, or will stop listening. I’m just saying, I was pretty shocked. You guys are usually on top of things.
Ashleigh
June 27th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Geezus, such a big fuss over teenage pregancy. In the old days this was normal you were married and bearing children by the time you were 14. See what our society has done to us. We cast such judgement on people because we are following societies rules instead of mother natures. If we are not suppose to have children then why can we bear them at that age? The only thing that makes a 14 year old unfit to be a mother is the way society raises their children today. Is it their fault that we fill their heads with tv, toys and games instead of the fundamentals of life such has hardwork,good values, cooking, cleaning and raising children. We teach them that they can do anything and society will pick up after them, there will always be help and support for everything they do. Pregnant teenagers is not the issue. I don’t support anyone’s view in this case. Not even my own. Alison, in your email you tell them “you MUST respect others thoughts, morals, and beliefs. And it was so wrong of the both of you to persecute her and impose your beliefs onto her; regardless of how you feel”. You really should have stopped there but you didn’t you went onto say, “she has no idea how difficult it is the older you get; and also “for her to understand the importance of therapy”as well as “would be more than happy to help her find some services” and my favorite “it is a grim reality” It appears you too are trying to impose your beliefs. Becareful of the stones you throw, they do tend to come back and hit us. I apologize if this offends you and if it makes you feel any better, I’ve thrown those stones too and have also been hit by them, no ones perfect.
Here’s a stone comming at me now.
June 28th, 2008 at 10:54 am
I think it’s rediculous. Pay attention to the quote, “Someone to love me.” How selfish is that? Having a child is not the way to find true love. When you have a child, you should give all your love selflessly, not expecting it in return. When you do receive it, it makes it even more blissful. But when girls have children for this reason, don’t have the maturity, experience, or financial ability to take care of one, the child suffers and then resents the parent. The result being the parent feeling as neglected and unloved as when they began. This passes the child. Thus, the cycle begins again to try to find love.
June 29th, 2008 at 10:37 am
I was listening on my way to work the day you guys had Julie on the phone. I just have to say I’m a mother of 2 (3 and 5 yr old) I’m 23 years old.I’m having the hardest time being a single mom. my daughter’s father wants nothing to do with her,this causes a lot of problems for her and I. Anyways Julie kept pointing out that some teenage mothers can still be good mothers, that was her only defense. This has nothing to do with whether you are a good mother or not! her baby is only 6 months old, she has no idea how hard it’s going to be for her. Putting off school is the worse thing she could do, once the baby gets older and the longer you wait to go makes it all the more harder to go, and her thinking it’s ok to not have the baby’s father in the baby’s life is just aweful! Children need a father figure, they need to be able to associate the name daddy to a man, and if that man is absent, this is something that hurts the child. my daughter doesn’t know that her father wants nothing to do with her, but she does know about him and knows what he looks like, this may have not been too smart on my hands but i never talk down about her father because it would be her i would be hurting not him. She asks me every day “mommy can I call my daddy?” and instead of telling her no, I change it and tell her she can call my boyfriend (who suggested we have her call him)the point is it’s not good enough cause we don’t associate him as being her father. I also think that almost every young girl who doesn’t have a father in their lives feel the need and urge to have a baby, most of the time it goes away. when i found out I was pregnant when i was 18 it was definitely something I wasn’t ready for at all. I do my best every day but this is sooooo hard. I also want to say that my mom was 15 turning 16 when she had my brother and 16 turning 17 when she had me… my mom has a 17 year old(with a baby) and a 15 year old still living with her and is now selfish and doesn’t want the responsibilities of being a mother. Her lack of responsibilities and her selfishness has definitely made it difficult to even have a relationship with her. I don’t think that Julie understands that being a teenage mother isn’t the best thing because of the fact that you lose part of your childhood and spend so many years trying to make up for it. There are definitely days where I feel I want to be a 23 yr old and just go hang out with my friends or be in a bar because I rarely get to. which doesn’t make anyone a bad mother at all it’s just the fact that being this age and not getting to do everything that your friends get to do because you have kids and they don’t. I love my babies to death and am very grateful, but I sure wish it could have happened a little later. I bust my a@@ every day working in a factory just so i can pay for my apartment and everything else that comes along with being an adult and a parent, The only help i get from the government is food stamps and they give me not even enough to make it through the month. And with gas prices now being so high.. because i have a v8 i can barely make it through the week. Scott you were right about her being selfish. she is being selfish she needs to think about her and that baby’s future more, and i think she should better prepare herself for all those mountains ahead. She is lucky she has a mother who is there for her, my mother wasn’t she kicked me out and being 18 and pregnant and scared to death of what i was gonna do i got married at 19. I’m divorced now my sons father is in his life as much as he can but he is stationed in Hawaii. so he only sees his dad once a year when his parents fly up here from Texas to fly my son back with them for a month so that he can spend time with them as well.I only hope she doesn’t have to struggle like i did and do. And another thing she hasn’t yet realized is finding a good man to be with, because now she has to find one that wouldn’t mind dating her because she is a mother and that wouldn’t mind spending a lot of time with her and the baby. ok I think i said enough, and i apologize for this being so long. I don’t think I said all i wanted to, but I think this covers most of basis.
June 30th, 2008 at 8:43 am
I take issue with this. You have a combined income of over $100,000 and can’t afford a child?? How is that possible? I know plenty of others that can raise a child for a lot less a year and have no problems. Unless you live well beyond your means and plan on feeding your child gourmet food with a gold plated spoon, there should be no reason why raising a child would be difficult. Sure, there are times that would be tough, but you make sacrifices and do what needs to be done. I would gladly take your income over mine when raising a child. On a different note, Julie didn’t have to make the phone call. Clearly, she makes poor choices. If I came home pregnant at 18…oh, wait, I wouldn’t. My father instilled fear in me, so that was never something that I was going to mess with. Parents need to take responsibility for their children, not enable them to make wrong choices. She could have considered an open-adoption. Maybe it would be hard to give up a child, but placing them in a loving home is better than struggling and accepting assistance the rest of your life. Enough said…
July 1st, 2008 at 1:57 am
This world needs more people like Alison. If Julie had grown up in a family that provided the love for her then she may not have felt the “need” to have a child. This is more of an issue of how we are raising our children. I was very much like Julie and had my first child out of the need to have someone to love me and I was 17 at the time. I now have 3 children and my daughter is 12 and because thankfully while I was pregnant I sought out a therapist I was and continue to be able to raise my children with the knowledge, self esteem and love that they will never feel so worthless as I did and as Julie does. Just so you know, you have done more damage to that young girl. Your and that “man” have reinforced her beliefs of worthlessness, and I have the feeling it wasn’t just her but any young girl who is feeling the same that listened that morning. As much as I love you guys and as long as I have listened to you, this time you failed yourselves, your listeners and your community.
Once again bravo to you Alison, people like you are the unsung heroes of the lost and forgotten and trust me when I say what you do impacts many lives for the better.
July 1st, 2008 at 1:39 pm
After reading Alison’s response, I must admit that her comment regarding not being able to support children on a salary of over $100,000 a year surprised me. I live in Penfield with my husband and four month old daughter, and we live quite comfortably on $65,000 a year. Nice neighborhood (very family friendly!), nice house (1,800 square feet with three bedrooms and a third of an acre) and we each have a fairly new car to drive around in. Compared to larger cities, this area has a cost of living which makes it easy for most middle class families to thrive.
One of the primary factors, in my opinion, which contribute to our success is the fact that we don’t carry any debt apart from the monthly mortgage payment. Both cars and our vacation property are paid off, and our credit card balances are paid off each month. Unless you’re living way beyond your means, carrying a boatload of debt or feel as though you must “keep up with the Joneses” from a status perspective, $100,000 a year is more than enough money to support a family.
July 13th, 2008 at 11:23 am
ha-ha!
you’re funny
(:
July 16th, 2008 at 7:00 am
My mother had me when she was nineteen, which made her unable to finish college, and my father has openly said (only in a moment of stupidity, not because he doesn’t love me or anything) that having a child at that age was a mistake. Yeah, it hurt at the time, but then again, I had to think. I’m in my teens at the moment as well and I have no clue WHAT I would do if I were to have a child of my own. I understand that most girls will get that feeling at some point that they want children, but it’s kind of ridiculous to say your time is running out and you want a child right now when you’re only sixteen or seventeen.
And the twelve year olds? That amazes me. I mean, whatever guy chooses to do them (pardon my vulgarity) is pretty sad in my eyes. They’re twelve. Most if not all are sexually unappealing and for you to actually do that with a twelve year old and have it result in a child, is just sad.
Soon, the US will no longer be known for its percentage of obese people, but for its pregnant teens.
What has the world come to?
July 17th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I hope she finds her way….. Speaking from experience. I was fifteen and pregnant. That’s a rough road ahead of her….
July 23rd, 2008 at 11:44 am
Ok so the other day I heard the Joe Jonas interview. Both you and Amanda trash talked your own guest after he had hung up. Out of the entire interview there was one question Joe did not give a response to. When you’re that famous, you try to keep as much as you can private. So, can you really blame him for not answering? I would think that that you could understand that. I know you have your own talk show and everything, but by no means does that give you the right to call him stuck up and plastic. It really doesnt make you look good.